


Home Wrecker

by HawkyBarton



Series: OTP and Fanfic Brigade (Prompts galore) [22]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Clint Needs a Hug, Did I Mention Angst?, M/M, Phil Needs a Hug, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, ends ominiously, not AoS compliant, sorry not a real happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3539060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HawkyBarton/pseuds/HawkyBarton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint couldn't believe it. </p><p> </p><p>It was just one more strike against him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anon asked: Clint blames himself after New York and after a spiral into depression tries to kill himself one night. Either Phil ends up being the one saving him, or he wakes up in the hospital with Phil next to him.
> 
> ~I kinda fiddled with the prompt, hope anon still likes it!

_It had been a year since the Battle of Manhattan._

_It had been a year since Loki had taken control over Clint’s mind._

_It had been a year since Natasha kicked him in the head and brought him back to life._

_It had been a year since the Avengers came together as a whole to save the world._

_It had been a year since Senior Agent Phillip James Coulson had been murdered by Loki._

_It had been a year since Clint had lost all hope of his humanity and his sanity._

_It had been a year and yet, here Clint was, not any better at all._

 

 

Today was the anniversary of the Battle of Manhattan. Tony had called all of the Avengers in to do a charity event to raise funds for the city, and hell, they could hold their own celebration and remember Agent Agent Coulson.

Clint really had not wanted to go. He really didn’t want anything to do with people who thought he was a murderer, a traitor – who still looked at Natasha to see if she trusted him.

Natasha always trusted him, sometimes he wished he could too.

But Natasha forced him to go to the event. She forced him into his monkey suit and told him to play nice.

Clint could do nice if he wanted to.

He just… didn’t want to.

Not when Phil was dead and he didn’t have the man in his ear telling him to calm down.

It wasn’t worth it being nice or naughty if the love of your life wasn’t there to roll his eyes at you antics.

Sighing, Clint took a swig of his champagne and tried not to make a face. _Man I hate alcohol._

“Hey birdbrain!”

Clint turned his head over at Tony, his eyebrow lifting as the man dragged a petite brunette along with him.

“How may I be of service Stark?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Man. I thought you were so tight with Coulson, obviously you weren’t. This is Audrey, Phil’s widowed Cellist girlfriend”

The girl smiled softly at Clint, but Clint wasn’t paying any attention.

_Girlfriend?_

Clint felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“You okay there Legolas?” Tony asked while the girl looked on, worried.

Nodding, Clint mumbled something about needing air and escaped to the balcony outside.

 _How could Phil have a girlfriend?_ Clint thought to himself in a daze.

_We… we were lovers for ten years, how could he cheat on me in that way? Or… was I just some booty call for Phil? Was she the love of his life and I was just some floozy home wrecker on the side? Fuck… Fuck! Phil never did say he loved me, ever though I said it every night before we fell asleep. Shit, my whole life for the past ten years has been a lie. Oh god, I took the lover of her life away from her. I fucking murdered Phil. I’m a monster. I don’t even deserve to live.. I’ve never deserved to live. God, my father was right. I’m good for nothing._

Taking a deep breath, Clint turned around and went back inside. Clint found Natasha smoozing with Pepper and some businessman types. Tapping her shoulder, Clint told her he was leaving.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, “They haven’t even started the meal yet? I thought that was the only reason you were showing up…”

Clint shrugged, “Galas just aren’t my scene. I just need to book and get home…. Okay?”

Natasha nodded, “Alright. Goodnight Clint”

Clint smiled and pulled Natasha even further away from the group she was in. Clint wrapped his arms around Natasha to her surprise, “Love you Tash. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

Natasha pulled out of the hug and frowned, “Are you alright”

Clint shrugged, “I will be. Goodnight”

“Goodnight Clint”

Clint waved and walked out of the gala. Ignoring the taxis, Clint began to walk back to his apartment.

An hour later Clint jogged up the steps to his place and opened the door, whistling to Lucky while he did so.

The shaggy dog jumped off the couch and trotted over to his master.

“Hey bud, we’re going over to Simone’s. Come on”

Lucky woofed and followed behind Clint as they walked down the hall to Simone’s apartment.

Simone was one of Clint’s favorite tenants, and she opened her door with a smile. “Hey Clint, how can I help you?”

Clint smiled and gestured to the dog at his side, “Can you watch Lucky for me?”

Simone grinned, “Sure, the kids would love to have him around for bedtime.”

Clint smiled in thanks and kneeled down next to Lucky. “You be a good boy without me, okay?”

Lucky tipped his head and whimpered a bit, confused.

Clint just shooed Lucky in the apartment and said goodbye to Simone.

Walking slowly back to his room, Clint smiled at all the memories he had collected over the years.

Sighing, Clint walked into the apartment and got all of his affairs in order

He took out the will that a SHIELD lawyer had put together after the Battle of Manhattan. The building would go to Simone, his possessions would go to Natasha, his money would go to charity, and his identity would got to SHIELD.

Taking a deep breath, Clint laid the will down on the coffee table and went to go get the climbers rope he kept handy around his place.

His quick hands created a noose within a couple of minutes, and he was on a chair slipping it over his neck not soon after.

Smiling, Clint kicked the chair away, “Love you Phil” he choked out as the rope cut off his air supply.

Clint thought he heard shouts and screams, but as he began to lose consciousness it no longer mattered.

 

******

Clint woke up.

He woke up.

He woke up?

_What?_

Looking around, Clint realized that he was in a hospital. The only conclusions he could come to because of this was: a) Heaven is a hospital, b) hell is a hospital, c) limbo is a hospital, or d) someone had saved him and he was alive.

“Clint? Clint?”

That sounded like Phil’s voice.

_Heaven or hell it is then._

Clint cleared his throat, “Long time no see… Sir”

Phil sighed, “My name isn’t sir. It’s Phil and you know it…. What the hell were you thinking Clint?”

Clint cracked open his eyes and turned his head, “That I didn’t deserve to live? That I fucking hated living? That I murdered my lover and was a monster? Take your pick…”

Phil looked ad and his hand reached out to touch Clint’s.

Clint jerked his hand away before he could, “Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare bother trying to be comforting”

Phil frowned, shocked. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“‘What am I talking about’ he asks me!” Clint said sarcastically. “Ohh I don’t know Phil, how about that pretty little Cellist _girlfriend_ you left on Earth?”

Phil blinked, “Cellist… Girlfriend? You mean Audrey?”

Clint coughed and rolled his eyes, “Yeah sure Audrey. Whatever”

Phil sighed, “Clint… Audrey is my niece, not my girlfri- Wait did you say back on _Earth?”_

Clint raised an eyebrow, “I mean we’re dead so… obviously. Wait, Audrey is your niece? Tony said she was you girlfriend”

Phil growled under his breath, “Goddammit Stark… Clint… 1) Audrey is _definitely_ my niece, _not_ my girlfriend. 2) You’re not dead Clint. Simone and Natasha got to you in the nick of time. _Despite_ your best efforts”

Clint blinked, “Oh”

Phil nodded, “Yeah… Oh…”

Clint blinked again before looking at Phil, “Where in the hell have _you_ been?”

Phil sighed “Tahiti. It’s a wonderful place.”

Clint frowned, “Oh”

Phil shrugged, “Yeah”


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gwynhefar asked: I don't suppose you'd consider continuing this? I'd love to see some of the aftermath.
> 
> A/N: I would just like to say that this is NOT Agents of SHIELD canon. All of this is what I created as Phil and Clint's backstory, and just like Marvel has been known to do, I changed things around. Artistic license and all that. I do do some things that are completely in canon, but alas, in a place like Marvel that changes the canon every five seconds, some times it is just not possible within the AU you're working in. Sorry if you don't like that, but if you want more canon things - please drop me a line in my tumblr inbox as a prompt and I will give you everything you desire within my writing power.

Clint was out of the hospital a week later and back at his apartment.

Phil and Clint hadn't talked much since that first night, the whole 'being dead' thing just hung over their heads all the time. One or both of them would open their mouths to speak about something mundane, remember what situation they were in, and their mouths would shut quickly.

Now though, just the two of them alone, they had nothing to do _but_ talk. Everything that Clint could possibly use as a device for his own self-harm had been moved out of the apartment (including his TV, which didn't make sense to Clint, but who was he to argue with Natasha or Phil), so the two men just sat on Clint's couch the first night in awkward silence.

The silence broke the next night after Phil got home from work.

Clint was feeling low, and when Phil just sat there in silence, he couldn't take it anymore.

"We need to talk... About everything.... Seriously"

Phil startled at Clint's outburst, but nodded. "Yeah... It's been hanging over our heads for too long"

Clint took a deep breath in  and turned to face Phil, "Why did I never know about your niece? Why did Stark think she was your girlfriend?"

Phil sighed, "A relationship between two SHIELD Agents is a private affair Clint. Even though we had been together for ten years, when Stark kept pushing me about who I was dating, I knew I couldn't reveal the truth... So I tried for the next best thing. My sister and I stopped talking when I came out of the closet before I went into the army, so family has always been a touchy subject - which you never had any problems with, because of... well..."

Clint nodded, "We never talked about families, you're right. That was one subject that was off limits"

Phil smiled, "Well. My niece had contacted me when my sister passed away about, 8 years ago I think? We've been in contact since then, and I was really proud of her when she got a spot with the New York Philharmonic"

Clint's eyes widened in understand, "That's why you had season tickets"

Phil grinned, "Exactly. Well, anyway, Stark was bugging me - and I knew I couldn't reveal who you were, so I said the closest thing. My girlfriend, the 'cellist', who loves her bow more than anything in the world.... I made sure to tell Audrey about it so she wouldn't get thrown under the bus by Stark, but I never did get time to tell you about it since we were never in the same place at one time..."

Clint nodded in understanding, "That.... That actually kinda makes sense. At least you didn't cheat on me"

Phil grasped Clint's hands, "I would _never_ cheat on you. I love you Clint, more than anyone in the world. You... you've kept me going these past ten years."

Clint smiled and raised their clasped hands to kiss Phil's knuckles, "The thought of you was the only thing that kept me going too... Sorry I almost ruined that"

Phil shook his head fervently, "Never apologize for the demons you face Clint. Just fight them to the best of your ability, got that?"

Clint nodded, "Yeah...."

 

~

Twenty years later Clint looked at his eldest son as he walked across the stage to get his diploma and squeezed his husband's fingers with his.

Phil looked over at Clint, "What was that for?"

Clint smiled, "Just thinking about the demons that I fought off"

Phil smiled and kissed Clint's cheek, "Glad you did"

Clint smiled and took a picture of his boy shaking the principal's hand, "Me too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( You can prompt me if you wish for other fics, or for any ideas you may have about this fic at [ Hellogoodbye](http://hellogoodbye741.tumblr.com/ask) or down in the comments section. ))

**Author's Note:**

> (( You can prompt me if you wish for other fics, or for any ideas you may have about this fic at [ Hellogoodbye](http://hellogoodbye741.tumblr.com/ask) ))


End file.
